Sunday, February 11

the upside of living in molvania


everything has its upside, even cholera (you don't feel the cold and lose a lot of weight). the same is true for molvania.

kernib's winters are not as harsh as those of verkhoyansk, ulan bator or the amundsen-scott south pole station.

molvania is not as corrupt as sierra leone, angola or the republic of congo, and has more civil liberties than turkey, the uae and iraq.

there are not as many murders per capita in molvania as there are in columbia, venezuala or belarus. perhaps because of this, people in molvania are more likely to reach 60 than those in kazakhstan, russian or turkmenistan.

but who cares, because molvania has more rollercoasters per capita than india, bangladesh or pakistan.

oddly enough, with all these advantages, the only people in the world who are unhappier than molvanians are those living in belarus, moldova and bulgaria. enid doesn't understand why - it's a great place to live, and the vareniki are yummy.

(for other people's views on home, have a look at marnie at i didn't say it was your fault.)

22 comments:

Sally Lomax said...

Well at least there was something good. I wondered how you would deal with it - knowing your luke warm feelings aobut the place!!!

enid said...

hi sally. enid could have found a few positive things to say, but in the end she decided to go for humour. best on a monday, she thinks.

Sally Lomax said...

I couldn't agree more - and it's what you do best. Good chuckle!

The very nice man said...

Admit it . . you just didn't want us all to come and visit you! That's why you omitted all the good stuff!

Bethany said...

Well, at least you have roller coasters.

Amy W said...

I am very cold after reading this post!

swampwitch said...

Swampwitch says b-r-r-r. She thinks she'll stay put for awhile.

Beccy said...

You've not tempted me Enid, maybe when you move to SF we can all come and visit!

ChrisB said...

This post should have come after enid and the man moved to SF. Still it was delightfully amusing.

Karmyn said...

So - has Enid been on all the rollercoasters yet?

mjd said...

Hey thanks, I learned a lot about Molvania, and I knew nothing of Molvania. Come to my blog and learn something about Merrillville, Indiana at Mama Said, Papa Said

Pamela said...

Now here's a place I've got to go to mapquest and find out EXACTLY where you are...

It sounds like you guys need a good
PR agent to sell the place.. (:

Little Miss Moi said...

Dear enid. I have not seen any roller-coasters here. But if I had, I'd be too scared to ride one, as I assume they get their roller-coasters from the same place they get aircraft and trams: from developed countries that find said item sub-standard and don't want them anymore.

enid said...

the very nice man, enid loves very nice men coming to visit! stalin likes it too - he's often peckish mid afternoon.

bethany & karmyn, hi! enid's never actually seen a molvanian roller coaster. she's pretty certain you'd need big hairy balls to go on one, though. (which rules out her and fluffy. and stalin too, come to think of it.)

amy & swampwitch, don't worry, because enid's in san francisco now and it's toasty warm for winter. her coat is a bit superfluous.

beccy, even if the very nice man comes? we can ask him to bring crumpets and strawberry jam.

chris, in a way enid's glad to post on this subject before she moves. it's much easier to be funny about something horrible. she might have to be all enthusiastic about sf, and that would never do.

hi mjd and pamela! do they not teach americans about molvania at school? it's quite well known in the uk because, like most of the world, it was originally part of the british empire. please don't spend too long searching mapquest (molvania used to be communist, so it hid its location on many modern maps.) if you want to discover more, you can buy a guide book called "molvania, land untouched by modern dentistry" here .

little miss moi - totally agree. even flying molvania air scars the willies out of enid.

Momo said...

Sory to interfere...as a Romanian and having a passion for history can I ask you to be more precise when you say that Moldavia was part of the british empire...like most of the world? from my knowledge Moldavia was part of the Romania in 1918 when the three provinces:Transylvania, Muntenia and Moldavia became one state. And in the forties it splited up one part( over the Prut) of the Moldavia and sticked to Russia. Even previous 1959, when firstly Moldavia and Muntenia united through Alexandru Ioan Cuza, I don't remember Moldavia to be under the british power...it was opressed by the turkish empire as transylvania was under austro-hungarian empire...
sory again...too many details!that's me...I cannot be FUNNY when it comes a history subject!

Little Miss Moi said...

Dear enid. I had to fly UM Air. And that's their response to everything. LMM: "Do you have a license to fly a plane?" Pilot: "Ummm..." LMM: "Have these planes ever crashed?" Ticket seller: "Ummmm...." LMM: "We've been on this four-hour flight for seven hours. Where are we? And has the plane been hijacked?" Flight attendant dyevushka: "Um and Um. Now bugger off."

This scared me so much that I am afraid to get back on a plane. I will be stuck in Molvania forever. I might have to move to Vajana. And I'll never get to visit San Sombrero.


Hmm... first attempt at comment failed. Second one: I must type in uhjoynam. It's Big Brother, the PM of Molvania, telling me, "Ah! Join 'em!"

marnie said...

I totally love roller coasters! That trumps everything else.

I'm in!

enid said...

hi momo, enid's sorry. she was taking the piss in this comment because she wanted to make sure people realised that molvania (not moldova - although she types that sometimes by mistake) was fictional. hence the comment about the british empire.

enid said...

little miss moi, have you read the san sombrero book? enid wants to get the south east asia one next - it's called Phaic Tan, she thinks.

hi marnie! enid likes her roller coasters built within the last two years by large western engineering companies.

enid said...

little miss moi, have you read the san sombrero book? enid wants to get the south east asia one next - it's called Phaic Tan, she thinks.

hi marnie! enid likes her roller coasters built within the last two years by large western engineering companies.

Little Miss Moi said...

Dear enid. Being from Australia, where all good guide books like Jet Lag and Lonely Planet originate, I have read Molvania. I borrowed it from a library near work and didn't do any work for the rest of the day as I was so enchanted by Molvania.

I have read Phaic Tan. Not as funny as Molvania but still funny. Alas, I have not read San Sombrero at all. But I like the music on the web page.

Silly LMM didn't think to buy Molvania before she came to Molvania.

enid said...

enid has molvania, but it's with all her other stuff in paris.