Thursday, March 8

reader, why i married him

if you don't read usually dooce, you should read today's post. any blogger who can write "and so what if he’s good-looking, it won’t matter the first time you have to poop in a bucket" deserves five minutes of your blog-reading time. john, dooce's husband, is both good-looking and handy. the man, enid's husband is... fun to be with.

back in the old century, enid and the man left blackbutts cottages and moved into a newly renovated london flat. the builders had run out of money just after installing the taps and just before installing the bathroom light fittings, so showering was done by touch alone. the man had to leave shaving until the sun came up, which since it was england and december resulted in him getting a long ginger beard and a written warning from work.

he had to do something. he went to b&q and spent the annual income of a small african country on new tools. back on the job, he removed the face panel from the shaver point. then he cut a channel in the wall from the light down to the shaver point (necessitating a second trip to b&q - it is enid's rule of thumb that the smallest job done by a male shall require a minimum of two trips to the diy shop). finally he attached a wire to the light and laid it in the channel.

"do we really need a shaver point?" he asked enid.

"no," said enid, who's a girl and so forced by her genes to borrow the man's razor and blunt it on her legs in the shower.

the man plastered over the shaver point, then sanded his work at length, until the wall was perfectly flat and smooth. he bought a touch-up paint (the b&q staff were greeting him by name now) and carefully matched the new wall to the old. the job had taken all day, but the bathroom looked even better than before. enid was truly impressed.

until she flicked the switch for the light. it was off, and it stayed off.

the man had failed to connect his new wire to the shaver point. even worse, he'd not tested the light before doing all his meticulous re-plastering work.

sometimes enid wonders how he manages to run a small company. does he never forget to develop a small, but very important bit of the software?

enid and the man stayed in that flat two years. the light in the bathroom never worked.

p.s. enid hasn't forgotten she's letting you choose what she'll write next. (you can choose more of blackbutts, "the disgusting game" or a san francisco house update.) she'll post on your choice tomorrow, so please go and vote. twice if you like, enid likes to feel popular.


anonymouse said...

I should write in my defence, that it didn't actually take a whole day - only about 7 hours. I also had to correct the HTML in this posting - so who's handy now!

enid said...

enid claims the html is blogger's fault. it's starting to add http:// randomly where she leasts expects http:// it.

Wendz said...

For once Dooce write something I can relate to and made me smile.

Enid is lucky to have a man who is fun. Wendz likes to laugh so she might like the man - best he stays hidden then.

Oh and I still vote for black butts..not that I am not interested in the house purchase..I am.

Ailsa said...

Hi Enid,

I loved Dooce's mail but couldn't work out how to leave a comment.

I sometimes (often) wish I had married a handyman. Strange how the little things that don't get done (properly) irritate you more and more as years go by...

Sally Lomax said...

You must work long hours then anonymouse (I presume you are The Man??)!! i would definitley count 7 hours as a working day!!

A handyman woul dbe very useful at times. Hubby is much like The Man Enid. He hates DIY and it takes him six months to get round to do a job, which then takes him a month........

I think it's a ploy, so as not to have to do it. Maybe I should show some ineptidture in areas that i don't like...........
p.s. B!

billyboy said...

Very illuminating.

ChrisB said...

if enid was in this house she would have to up her rule of thumb to at least 3+ trips to B&Q (diy) store and that's before the trip or two to put right what has gone wrong as a result of the first job, so you see it must be a man thing.

I would be in heaven if I had a computer expert in the house.
enid doesn't need to tout for compliments she is popular :)

elena jane said...

EJ is married to a handyman and a woodworker and every project requires at least 2 visits to the diy store for parts/accessories or whatnots.

and touch lights are wonderful, i wish we had them in our first home's bath, which was half unlit (the half over the tub). ;)

and i vote for blackbutts too, hehe :)

enid said...

wendz, you're not a dooce fan? enid thinks she writes very well, even though her subject matter isn't so relevant to enid.

hi ailsa! enid thinks dooce turns comments off most of the time because she gets six hundred zillion of them when they're switched on.

sally, at some point enid will blog about the long hours the man works. that's the problem with american companies, they think they own you.

billyboy is enid's man for the apt comment! she should have titled her post thusly.

chris, enid thinks you're right. for once she's not exaggerated enough.

elena jane, enid thinks it must be part of a definition of being male. they could use it as a test for transexuals before lopping off any naughty bits.

Wendz said...

Yeah Dooce writes very well - I am not knocking her at all - I just don't relate to most of what she writes about. And some of it seems - I don't know - pretentious?

Beccy said...

Somehow my blogroll has not been picking up your posts Enid and I've been missing out. I see you've done the blackbutts post, I'm dying to hear about the house!

enid said...

wendz, enid envies dooce's talent for making the everyday funny. mormons, for example. it must be hard to make them funny. or maybe not...

hi beccy, enid's going to wait on the house update because things are happening at last. bad things, but things at least.