catching up on mail

to: egg online banking
from: enid
re: regarding your current account access

dear egg, you couldn't verify enid's current information, because she doesn't bank with you, but with the admirable hbsc. you can limit her online access all you like, and she'll not even notice. (by the way, what is the world's "largest pure online bank?" do you mean there's no smutty stuff in the double-entry book keeping?)


to: jaemie krawczyk
from: enid
re: some swing picks?

hi jaemie,
you're fibbing again, aren't you? you don't have anything fresh for enid today, do you? in fact, it's safe to say that most days you make her the same offer, many, many times over. oh, and enid doesn't "very well know that the market can be forecasted and controlled". she must have misunderstood something in her economics lessons at school.


to: tgjiyoio@barak-online.net
from enid:
re: hey dude some gd news 4 u

hey dude, enid has 2 bits of gd news 4 u. first is, this isn't a mobile phone, so you can write complete sentences. second is that she's never embarrassed in the bedroom and she has all the natural hardness and boosted drive she wants - but thanks very much for offering to help.


to: munguia roberto
from: enid
re: live life to the fullest

thanks, munguia, but enid prefers to buy her pharmaceuticals from someone she can hand cash to, even if you do offer the "be$t prices". (usually boots the chemist, if you're reading this, mum.) thanks for your good wishes, though, and enid hopes you're keeping well yourself.


to: geraldo
from: enid
re: do you wnat a {}*prosperus future?

geraldo, enid's quite hurt that you didn't remember that she has a degree already, and has no need to "Fetch a_Bachelors, Masetrs., MBA, and Doctorate (PhD) diploma" even if "Hoenstly are no set tests, classes, books, or interviews!"


to: pete smith
from: enid
re: the four emails you sent enid today

pete, for starters, enid doesn't think you've got the name thing down yet. it's more usual to pick a latino name, or simply jam some consonants into unusual proximity, as mr. krawczyk did. if you're stuck for inspiration, just sit on the keyboard.

secondly, it's usual to pick an email title that is of passing relevance to the message within that email. for example, if enid's emailing you about a lunch date (unlikely, pete, don't get your hopes up), then she'd probably title her mail, "lunch date." not rocket science, is it?

now, pete, the text in your email reads:

"Do you ejaculate before the act or within a few minutes?
Then you must order Extra-Time Now!...
Extra-Time is the only male sexual performance formula that, not only stops premature ejaculation, but actually "cures" it.
You'll last 5 to 10 minutes longer, the very first night..... GUARANTEED!"

call enid a fussy old grump-muffin, but your subject, "I desert a quagmire," doesn't seem to be at all related to premature ejaculation. your other three emails on the same subject today, variously titled "but cat as byronic," "to vacuum or ready," and "was threadbare go cutworm" aren't really an improvement.

have a great weekend!
love, enid