Friday, March 2

the professionals?

enid's just read carpetblogger's great post on the boomtown similarity between baku and deadwood. in particular she says "But pretty much the biggest parallel between Baku and Deadwood is the social life. Other than drinkin' and whorin' there's not a lot to do in either place. Baku has all kinds of bars, as long as they are English, Irish, and Scottish, and any local woman out past 9 p.m. is likely to be a whore. Cognoscenti know that, with startling few exceptions, any bar that requires a descent of more than five steps doubles as a bordello."

this reminded enid of one of the man's early molvanian experiences.

it was january, the snow was falling and he and three colleagues were looking for a place to eat lunch. "this'll do," said his boss, hoohah, and bundled them all down a flight of steps and into the foyer of a restaurant.

"a table for four," hoohah demanded in english.

no reaction.

"four please," said the man, in russlish.

the staff continued to ignore them.

hoohah went up to demand a little attention (he's like that). the man took in his surroundings. the decor was plush and red. there was a cash machine. it looked like the waiting area of a curry house in suburban england - but big... very big. all the waitresses were wearing low cut, clingy red dresses and thigh boots. come to that, so were the “guests” lounging on the low seating at the edges of the room.

hoohah had failed to get the attention he needed, and was pushing through into the next room. "come on guys," he said. "if we sit down, they'll realise we just want some soup and a coffee."

the next room had no tables. it was just a corridor with rather too many doors off it.

“guys, we’re in a brothel,” the man said.

but hoohah was still trying to make his point to the increasingly confused madam. english had failed, so he fell back on sign language. pointing to his open mouth, he made a sucking noise like a very impolite person drinking soup.

12 comments:

ChrisB said...

LOL (last paragraph) Now we all know what the madam thought he was looking for and I don't think food comes into it.

Beccy said...

Did hoohah get his dessert?

carpetblogger said...

Going to Kyiv's strip clubs has become such an integral part of my male friends' social life it hardly seems vile anymore.

Wendz said...

*guffaws at last paragraph*

What a stupid, stupid man...he deserved to look like a twat....

Wendz said...

I have tagged you to do a picture story meme....not an obligation of course.

enid said...

hi, enid's sorry for not replying but voila! cut her off without much notice because she owed them 2p.

hi chris! beccy, what sort of dessert do you think hoohah should have? enid's been trying to think of some based on old english puddings with funny names, but they're all more suited to homosexuals, e.g. spotted dick.

thanks wendz. enid will probably do a cartoon, but she'll have to wait till the weekend when she has some free time.

carpetblogger, luckily the man hasn't taken to strip clubs yet. enid supposes there's still time.

Beccy said...

I think spotted dick is a dessert hoohah deserved!

Sally Lomax said...

Cringe cringe cringe...............

It's one of those moments in life when you think back and just want to die isn't it?

Brilliantly told!

enid said...

beccy, you may be right.

hi sally, enid's really glad she wasn't there at the time. she'd have been as red as the girls' dresses.

Little Miss Moi said...

dear enid. My ukie friend who is a girl wanted me to go to a strip club with her on Saturday. I refused on moral grounds, i.e. I have some...

theotherbear said...

Haha - that was very funny :)

enid said...

hi little miss moi. enid has strong principles on strip clubs too. she only goes if the strippers are male.

thanks theotherbear! and welcome.